


don't you know that i'll always be true

by aelisheva



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Jewish Character, Fluff and Humor, Multi, No Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 19:24:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18597817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelisheva/pseuds/aelisheva
Summary: “Thanks, Five, for being so sentimental,” Dave said dryly.“How’s this for sentimental, Katz? If you leave Klaus or cheat on him I swear to God I will-”“Get over here,” Vanya hissed as she tugged him away from the altar.----Dave and Klaus finally get married, and of course all the Hargreeves siblings are invited. Chaos ensues.





	don't you know that i'll always be true

“Ohhh my god.” Dave Katz stuck his hands in his pockets so they would shake less. 

His mom (now in her nineties, and Dave thanked God she, Dad, and Dave's brother Joel were still alive when he got back) leaned over to him. “What’s wrong, kiddo? I haven’t seen you this nervous since you were ten and Joel dared you to go on the Round Up at the fair...Are you hot? I know your father and I are getting hot, standing outside in the middle of the yard in this weather. You’d think one of the Hargreeves kids would use their powers to make their backyard a little cooler,” she rambled. “Davey, you’re not getting cold feet, are you?”

“No! I’m just-“

“Nervous?....Well, you better stop being nervous right now, because look who’s coming down the aisle.”

Dave stopped fidgeting with his tie and barely held back a laugh.

As the band began playing and all the guests stood up, Klaus’s brother Luther stomped down the aisle holding Five’s mannequin girlfriend, who had a basket of petals in the crook of her arm and a flower crown perched on her bald head. Luther only agreed to flower duty because 1) no one else wanted to do it and 2) Dave and Klaus promised him twenty bucks afterwards for his troubles. (Dave initially balked at the twenty dollar offer, but apparently twenty dollars in 2019 isn’t the fortune it was in 1968. Thank God for inflation.)

Groaning, Luther threw wads of petals on the ground from the basket, furiously wiping every time some got on his sharp gray suit. Finally, he shoved Delores down in a front row seat, then sat down a few chairs away from her.

But the fun didn’t end there. Soon, Five strode out to perform his duties as ring bearer (again, only because he was promised money). His hair was slicked back to infinity (probably by Allison as a joke), making him look like his mom had dressed him up for Picture Day at school. To avoid being laughed at all down the aisle though, he just warped to where Dave was standing. Dave would’ve screamed if he hadn’t seen him do the same thing when he took him out of Vietnam. Luckily, no one else screamed, either.

“Take them.” Five shoved the box with the rings into his hands.

“Thanks, Five, for being so sentimental,” Dave said dryly.

“How’s this for sentimental, Katz? If you leave Klaus or cheat on him I swear to God I will-”

“Get over here,” Vanya hissed as she tugged him away from the altar.

“Lovely kid,” Dave’s dad muttered.

The music swelled and everyone jolted to attention. Dave gripped the ring box so tight that the corners started to imprint on his hands.

Then he almost dropped it.

Klaus strode in wearing a lacy black wedding dress with a huge poofy skirt and a diamond-shaped chest window, into which he’d stuffed a bunch of orange lilies. He wasn’t carrying his bouquet because one of his hands held Grace’s, while the other held an empty space which was probably the hand of his birth mother’s ghost. (Dave had met her about a month ago. Her name was Lise, and she was a very nice woman.) And of course, like Dave, he was wearing a white kippah on his head.

The trio stopped in front of him. Klaus winked at him, and Dave’s heart almost stopped right there. To steady himself, he waved to Grace and then Lise. The two women moved away (at least Grace did, so Lise probably did, too), as did Dave's parents, and the ceremony began.

“Dearly Beloved,” Pogo began, we are gathered here today to join David Joshua Katz and Klaus Hargreeves in holy matrimony. If anyone has any objections to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Allison, Vanya, Luther, and Diego all turned around to glare at Five, but he did nothing.

“Thank God,” Pogo muttered. “Now! This will be a fairly traditional Jewish ceremony, per David’s culture. So after Klaus circles David seven times, we will recite the blessing over the wine and the blessing over this betrothal.”

Later, as Klaus held up the silver wine cup, he shook his head. “It’s so badass that your culture makes you drink at your wedding,” he said quietly.

“So badass.”

“Hey! Language! Didn’t think you knew how to swear.”

“Well you were fu -“

“Ahem.”

They fell silent again and Klaus gulped his wine down in one shot.

After the traditional Seven Blessings (each one said by each remaining Hargreeves and Dave’s brother Joel), it was time for rings and vows.

“Dave,” Klaus started, “I’m no poet, so I have no idea what to say except...I really really don’t deserve you. You’re kind and strong and vulnerable and beautiful and...you make me feel like the luckiest pan, nonbinary, German seance in the universe. And I’m so glad we got a second chance.”

“Klaus. You make me feel like the luckiest Jewish American reluctant soldier in the world. Before I got shipped out, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I didn’t want to fight in a pointless war. Even if I survived, I didn’t want to come back and learn a trade like my dad. Meeting you was the first thing in my life that made sense in a while. And you said you don’t deserve me? I don’t deserve you! You’re so brave and confident, and I’m just some square guy from Boston!...When I came to after Five brought me back, and I saw you, I thought I was in heaven at first. But I am. You’re here, my family’s still here...I’m gonna be okay.”

Back in the audience, Diego turned to his right when he heard sniffles. “Five, are you crying?”

Five wiped his eyes. “O-of course I am. I’m the one who set them up.”

“Come on, bring it in. Hug me, brother.”

“Oh my god.”

“Oh my god,” Klaus said quietly.

“By the power vested in me,” Pogo restarted, “I pronounce you Klaus and Dave Hargreeves-Katz.”

Dave went over and stepped on the glass beneath him with a loud CRACK.

“Mazel tov!”

Klaus took Dave in his arms and dipped him into a kiss.

///

“Diego, Five,” Luther shouted over the music, “what the hell are you doing?”

“Tearing up the damn dance floor,” Diego shouted back across the yard. “Well, at least I am. Five dances like a drunk mom.”

“I do not!” Five protested, despite twisting his hips furiously to “Celebrate Good Times.” “This is just a really great song to dance to!”

“Yeah, if you’re a drunk Baby Boomer mom.”

“One, I’m a Millennial like the rest of you and you know it. Two, Dave’s technically a Boomer -“

“Yeah, but unlike you, he’s cool. And he actually let us all teach him how to dance."

“Ugh, whatever, I’m gonna go dance with Delores. At least she doesn’t make fun of me!”

“That’s because she doesn’t talk!” Ben shouted from his seat, mouth full of cake.

On the other side of the dance floor, Allison and Vanya were also tearing it up.

“Vanya!” Allison yelled over the music.

“What?”

“I just wanna say that even though I hate weddings, I’m really happy that we’re hanging out here right now.”

“Me too! You were right, it’s hard being alone at these things.”

“What? Vanya, you and the guitarist girl from the band --”

“Her name is Frankie --”

“-- you and Frankie have been flirting the whole night! I’m still single!”

“Yeah but we just met, it’s not like we’re dating yet...”

“Yeah, well, you or her would’ve caught the bouquet if ‘Delores’ hadn’t grabbed it out of nowhere.”

“Yeah well, if I caught it, I would’ve given it to you….Not in an incest-y way, or—“

Allison laughed. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I get what you mean. And that’s really sweet. Plus, I don’t want to date another sibling. I mean, I just broke up with Luther.”

“So you’re doing okay?” Ben asked, popping up again out of nowhere.

“Yeah. I hate being single, and I hate that Claire couldn't make it here today, but it’s just one wedding. There’ll be other parties. Plus I really am happy for these two. And I have you all to hang out with. Everything’s going okay.”

Suddenly, a small gray blur smashed into Vanya. “Five! How many pieces of cake have you had?”

“Two slices and two cups of coffee,” he announced, hands shaking. “But I’m not gonna get a sugar rush, Mom, those are for kids.”

“Five, you can have a sugar rush at any age,” Allison said.

“Oh well.” He paused for half a second. “I want a real name like you all. Can I be Frank? I wanna be Frank. It’s a nice, respectable name.”

“You can’t be Frank,” Vanya protested, “I’m about to go on a date with a girl named Frankie.”

“Well, is Frankie short for anything?” 

“Yeah. Francine, I think.”

Five crossed his shaking arms. “Well ‘Frank’ is definitely not the same name as ‘Francine,’ so there.”

“But it --”

“Five, change your name after the party’s over,” Allison groaned.

“Well I wanna change it now, so I’ll end the party now.”

“Five!”

Soon Vanya, Allison, and the other siblings were running after him to stop him from literally destroying the dance floor. Well, everyone except Klaus.

He and Dave were too busy jumping around to “Africa” by Toto.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i didn't know how to end this so that's why "africa" by toto makes an appearance
> 
> hope you enjoyed! the title is from the song "in-a-gadda-da-vida" by iron butterfly, one of the biggest hits of 1968, and probably one of dave's favorite songs back in the day.


End file.
